3 days after

I will walk by myself
and cure myself 
in the sunshine and the wind 

It hits me first when I wake up. I fumble for my phone only to remember that your name will never appear on my screen again. Once the shock passes, i try to grapple with the enormity of the matter. Sadness engulfs me completely and for a moment i consider just running back straight into your arms.

On the way to work I studiously avoid looking at any happy couples. Each one a walking, living reminder of what i've lost.

I try not to use my phone much during the day. I stay clear of social media, I resist the urge to look at old photos, I forbid myself to linger at old notes.

Today, I only hid and cried once.

After work, I head to a friend's house for dinner. We talk for hours about anything and everything - politics, you, harry potter, work, life.

I don't feel sorry for myself anymore though.
Instead, I count my blessings everyday. The amount of love and care and concern that I've felt in the past 3 days from my friends and family far surpasses anything i have ever experienced.

I still get mad sometimes. I still hurt whenever I pass by a restaurant we used to frequent or glance at something that reminds me of you. But i'm healing and recovering and breathing and laughing again, and for all that, I am thankful.