The reason why i started this blog was because i was at a phase in my life where i needed to write to mourn the loss of a love. I took the direct link down from instagram after a while because it felt too personal and private to share with the world. A few days ago, i completely removed the link from my tumblr page.
See, this isn't me. I only write when i feel absolutely broken and devastated and need an outlet to vent. Most of the time, i'm perfectly happy and pre-occupied with other matters. But recently, i couldn't reconcile both versions of myself anymore. I stopped writing, both in my personal diary and here, because it felt so toxic just to keep revisiting all these old feelings. Healing isn't linear, but i can feel myself recovering from the trauma and pain. It doesn't help to keep picking at the scab to inspect the wound underneath.
I don't know how accurate the page visits on blogger is, but if it is - i don't know how and why but people still consistently read what i post. Not only from Singapore but all over the world. Which is a bit confusing; i don't know anyone in Russia or Germany currently but still, it's nice to know that someone's at the receiving end of what i'm writing. When it first happened, i read so many thought catalogue articles and random blogs about other people who have gone through the same thing. It helped to normalise what i was feeling. If what i wrote brought comfort to even just one person, i'm thankful.
But as always, eternally grateful to God for His love and grace. Never once have i felt completely alone or helpless - be it needing someone to talk to at 3am when i was drowning in waves of sadness or just good company to get my mind off everything.
I probably won't come back here anymore, i'll leave this as a memento of the love i once fought so fiercely for.
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