"I LOVE YOU, AND I'M ALWAYS GONNA LOVE YOU, BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOVE YOU. I WANT TO BE HAPPY."

22 and struggling with this heartbreak.

but can i just say that i am insanely proud of myself for not caving in and actually choosing to walk away instead of getting sucked into the moment and believing all the promises that i knew he wouldn't deliver. that was probably the most painful thing i've ever had to do, and i carry that ache with me everywhere.

BUT I STILL FUCKING DID IT. AND I AM GOING TO ACTIVELY CHOOSE NOT TO RUN BACK TO THIS TOXIC CYCLE AND BREAK THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL. NO MORE TEXTING HIM JUST BECAUSE I'M SAD, NO MORE DRUNK CALLING HIM JUST BECAUSE I LET MY EMOTIONS GET THE BETTER OF ME. NO MORE SECRETLY HOPING THAT THINGS WILL WORK OUT. NO MORE READING SAD POSTS OF HIS AND FEELING MY HEART BREAK ALL OVER AGAIN. NO MORE RUSHING INTO REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS JUST TO PROVE A POINT. NO MORE. NO MORE. NO. MORE.

(also, having friends and family who tell you it's okay to be sad, it hurts because it meant something, take as long as you need, instead of getting impatient with my recovery (or lack thereof) really, really means the universe to me. thank you for not trivialising whatever i'm going through.)